Sports Card Blogs

Festive Football Feast: Who plays who and who needs what?

While everyone else sacks off work for a fortnight and even other supposedly football-mad countries go ‘probably knock this on the head for a fortnight, can’t we?’ England will once again show its innate superiority by packing over 10% of the entire Premier League season into a decadent 11-day feast. Beautiful.

But who’s playing who in this non-stop whirlwind of title deciders and six-pointers, and just what does each team need to accrue before stumbling dazed and confused into an FA Cup third-round tie against Christ alone knows who? We’ve got you covered right here…

Arsenal
Saturday: Burnley (H), Boxing Day: Brighton (A), December 29: Liverpool (A), January 1: Fulham (H)

Friendly enough set of fixtures with one big bright neon flashing exception. Nipping the losing run in the bud against Burnley is a must, while victories at Brighton and at home to Fulham would minimise the damage of a defeat at Liverpool, and at least that’s the Reds out of the way for the rest of the season.
Target: Nine points or they’ll likely lose more ground on the top four.

Bournemouth
Saturday: Brighton (H), Boxing Day: Tottenham (A), December 30: Man United (A), January 2: Watford (H)

Very winnable home games, very nasty away games. Much may depend on how knackered they are by the time Watford turn up.
Target: Four points okay, six very good, seven or more tremendous.

Brighton
Saturday: Bournemouth (A), Boxing Day: Arsenal (H), December 29: Everton (H), January 2: West Ham (A)

Very winnable away games, very nasty home games. Much may depend on how knackered they are by the time they get to West Ham.
Target: Four points should be enough to prevent any nervous looks downward.

Burnley
Saturday: Arsenal (A), Boxing Day: Everton (H), December 30: West Ham (H), January 2: Huddersfield (A)

The ultimately futile backs-to-the-wall effort at Spurs may have emptied the tanks at the worst possible time. The fixtures either side of New Year’s Day look a bit nicer, but what will the Clarets have left? That Huddersfield game is huge.
Target: Three points really wouldn’t be too bad, but they might all need to come at Huddersfield, by which time the pressure will be a huge scary thing.

Cardiff
Saturday: Man United (H), Boxing Day: Crystal Palace (A), December 29: Leicester (A), January 1: Tottenham (H)

Minging. The Man United game is now firmly in the grip of The Narrative and is followed by a six-pointer. Leicester away is nobody’s idea of fun even if the Foxes aren’t quite on it right now, while Spurs are formidable travellers.
Target: Beat Palace and anything else is a bonus.

Chelsea
Saturday: Leicester (H), Boxing Day: Watford (A), December 30: Crystal Palace (A), January 2: Southampton (H)

Well that’s just a lovely Christmas present, isn’t it? Just look at those games. They haven’t even got any travelling – we all know how bad that holiday traffic can be. Looked at individually, you’d have four wins here. But festive football is a strange beast and greed is unbecoming.
Target: Anything less than 10 points would be ropey, really. They look the likeliest contenders for a perfect 12.

Crystal Palace
Saturday: Manchester City (A), Boxing Day: Cardiff (H), December 30: Chelsea (H), January 2: Wolves (A)

It’s all about that Boxing Day clash with Cardiff. Defeats to Manchester City and Chelsea can be tolerated of course, while cleverly being quite rubbish actually significantly boosts Palace’s chances at Wolves. Great tactics.
Target: Three points is okay, as long as they’re at Cardiff’s expense. But one point from the latter two games doesn’t feel like too much to ask either.

Everton
Sunday: Tottenham (H), Boxing Day: Burnley (A), December 29: Brighton (A), January 1: Leicester (H)

A couple of disappointing home draws in between defeats to the top two have piled the pressure on a game against Spurs, who Everton rarely beat. The Toffees haven’t been the best on the road this season – just one win from eight – but probably need at least one success at Burnley or Brighton if the festive period is to be any kind of success.
Target: Six points minimum. Seven good. Nine points and you’re dancing.

Fulham
Saturday: Newcastle (A), Boxing Day: Wolves (H), December 29: Huddersfield (H), January 1: Arsenal (A)

Two proper six-pointers, a horror away trip and a tricky home game. Could go either way, and where Fulham take the points (or don’t) will matter as much as how many.
Target: Four points from the six-pointers and anything from Wolves or Arsenal is a lovely Christmas bonus.

Huddersfield
Saturday: Southampton (H), Boxing Day: Man United (A), December 29: Fulham (A), January 2: Burnley (H)

Never mind Fulham with their two six-pointers, Huddersfield have got three of the buggers! And a nightmare away day! Absolute scenes. They’ve got to win at least one of those home games, you’d think. Got to.
Target: Five points and defeat at Old Trafford probably the lowest passing grade here if survival prospects are to be enhanced.

Leicester
Saturday: Chelsea (A), Boxing Day: Manchester City (H), December 29: Cardiff (H), January 1: Everton (A)

Leicester aren’t playing well at the moment, so what better way to celebrate than a trip to Chelsea followed by a visit from the champions? Bloody hell. The main thing is not to let those two incoming defeats dishearten everyone before that lovely, lovely home game with Cardiff comes along. Everton have been drawing at home a bit and Leicester keep drawing away, so a point at Goodison it is then. Can’t be unhappy with that.
Target: Four points.

Liverpool
Friday: Wolves (A), Boxing Day: Newcastle (H), December 29: Arsenal (H), January 3: Manchester City (A)

Is it make or break for Liverpool’s title chances or is that just so much tabloid hyperbole? Look how massive these games are, though. Even Wolves away looks dicey given their status as the side most likely to trip the big beasts; Spurs are the only top eight team to beat them thus far. Rafa will be warmly welcomed on Boxing Day and promptly sent packing with a routine 3-0 defeat, obviously, and then sh*t gets real. Arsenal at Anfield, then Manchester City away. They might well need all six points, you know. Assuming City don’t slip up before January 3 (SPOILER: City won’t slip up before January 3) then Liverpool absolutely must at least avoid defeat.
Target: Has to be 10 points at the very, very least, doesn’t it? What a world.

Manchester City
Saturday: Crystal Palace (H), Boxing Day: Leicester (A), December 30: Southampton (A), January 3: Liverpool (H)

Three lovely games and then the biggest clash of the Premier League season so far. Whoever is top after that one can really start to dream. As City currently trail – although much can (but probably won’t) change over the next week – and are at home, they need the win.
Target: Only 12/12 will do in the rarefied air of this title chase.

Manchester United
Saturday: Cardiff (A), Boxing Day: Huddersfield (H), December 30: Bournemouth (H), January 2: Newcastle (A)

Could you cherry-pick a nicer run of festive fixtures? Probably, but only just. You can already hear the giddy talk of Solskjaer’s revolution and how he’s brought the fun back to United and he should get the permanent job really. They’ll probably score 137 goals in these four games, all from substitutes. Terrific.
Target: Be nice just to have some fun, won’t it? Without that miserable mood hoover sucking the joy out of absolutely everything? It’s Christmas, put on a silly jumper and smile. And look how gentle those fixtures are – even Jose probably wins two, the big sulking dafty.

Newcastle
Saturday: Fulham (H), Boxing Day: Liverpool (A), December 29: Watford (A), January 2: Man United (H)

Obviously, it’s Saturday that defines this run. Beat Fulham and Newcastle could probably lose all three of their trickier games without getting sucked too far back into the mire.
Target: Beat Fulham, mug a point or two off those other idiots when they’re all full of turkey etc.

Southampton
Saturday: Huddersfield (A), December 27: West Ham (H), December 30: Manchester City (H), January 2: Chelsea (A)

See above. A win at Huddersfield is very much the order of the day for Southampton, because, like Newcastle, it’s three of the current top half after that. But beat the Terriers and even three defeats might not see them back in the bottom three. Things are looking up at last.
Target: Win at Huddersfield and at least a point against the Hammers means the City and Chelsea games can be safely written off. But do win at Huddersfield, that bit is very important.

Tottenham
Saturday: Everton (A), Boxing Day: Bournemouth (H), December 29: Wolves (H), January 1: Cardiff (A)

It’s not bad at all, this. One of very few teams playing none of their direct rivals in this year’s three-tiered Premier League over the festive period. Spurs generally beat Everton, who have yet to really shake off the fug of that Anfield daftness, and will fully expect to win the other three games on this list, with big-game specialists Wolves probably the likeliest cause of failure.
Target: Three wins at least, but could easily win all four of these even though nobody ever wins all four of their festive games. And if they do that… they still won’t have any chance of winning the title. It’s just not fair.

Watford
Saturday: West Ham (A), Boxing Day: Chelsea (H), December 29: Newcastle (H), January 2: Bournemouth (A)

It’s here! The annual tradition of waiting and watching for the precise moment of Watford’s Mid-Season Collapse. It appeared to have come disconcertingly early this time, in September of all things, but the last three games suggest maybe not. A battling 2-1 defeat to Manchester City is absolutely fine, especially when followed by a draw at Everton and win over Cardiff. They’ll probably get five points from this little lot and then lose their next 10 games or something.
Target: Five points please. Subsequent 10-game losing run optional.

West Ham
Saturday: Watford (H), December 27: Southampton (A), December 30: Burnley (A), January 2: Brighton (H)

What an absolutely tremendous set of fixtures to see when you’re on a four-match winning run. It’s going to be a bubble-blowing Christmas season. Within the next 10 days West Ham should be north of 30 points and able to thoroughly enjoy the rest of the season.
Target: You’d want to win at least two of these at any time. In the Hammers’ current form and the season of hope and goodwill, three wins and idle January dreams of sixth don’t seem at all mental.

Wolves
Friday: Liverpool (H), Boxing Day: Fulham (A), December 29: Tottenham (A), January 2: Crystal Palace (H)

Based on what we’ve seen of Wolves so far, they’ll take four points from Liverpool and Spurs and none from Fulham and Palace. All for it. Wolves are the only Premier League team currently making any effort at all to uphold the noble tradition that In This League Anyone Can Beat Anyone, and you’ve got to respect that.
Target: Bloody the nose of at least one more bigger boy, but maybe try not to balls it up against the stragglers. Five points looks a reasonable acceptability benchmark here. Six or seven would be tres bien.

Dave Tickner